I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize