I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
