I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
