He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
