i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
