Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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