that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize