you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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