she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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