Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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