Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
