so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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