Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
