hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
