If i come over, it means nothing
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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