Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
