My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
