Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
