There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
