and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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