Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
