Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
