Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
