Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
