so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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