His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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