btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize