My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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