She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
