I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
