I think my vagina is haunted
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
