he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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