so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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