he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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