Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
it's like heaven, but drunker
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
