Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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