She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
