I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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