I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
