I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
