I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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