So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
