i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize