so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize