I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
