i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
