I just cut my nipple shaving
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
