we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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