Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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