Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
