I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
