atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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