i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
