I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize