Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He better not be in your backpack
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
