I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Randomize
