umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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