You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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