It's Friday. Sex?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize