just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
