I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
