if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
