Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
