Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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