hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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