All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
soo... how was my night?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
