I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
A bitchslap is in order.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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