I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
