I accidentally burped into my bong.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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