he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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